An Interesting Evening

End of week two and it went much better then week one!!! YAY!!!

Work picked up and I have a lot more to do, however it isn't that challenging. The systems are the tough point, and here I thought MS Project was a pain At Least there was a lot of flexibility.. RPM is cool, but its a major pain and its rather cumbersome. If I don't have to ever use this tool again at the end of this contract I'll be ok.. lol

I had the opportunity to hang out with my primary PM this week and I REALLY like him! I think he is pretty cool. I do keep thinking though that I only have 5 months left so don't get to attached to anyone.
Which brings me to my next thought I haven't heard about the Lansing position yet, but I suppose thats one of those I won't hear until I hear and they did say 6 to 8 weeks. So I figure I shouldn't hear anything for another 4 weeks easily. Ultimately, I am going to have to start looking for a new job in the next few months because it will take at least a few months to find something. It just sucks knowing that as of January 7th I'll be unemployed again.

OH speaking of.. GET THIS.. Since I moved here, I have been called about several cool positions back on the East side. What a DRAG FOR SURE!! better paid, benefits etc.. I am sorta kicking myself about jumping ship so quickly.. BUT Ronn isn't over there so I guess for now its ok.. lol

On another note, I don't feel sickly any longer, I am still a bit tired but i know that will be gone completely within a week or less. I am still glad I went and got the meds.. I just wish I didn't have to fork out a billion bucks to do it..

So Ronn and I had a cool night. We went to get Chinese food and had a great conversation about the relevance of God, Angels, and Hell.. Ok, well here's the thing he is thinkin about a story line that involved Angels and their kids. Its this big long thing but I am actually looking forward to reading it. He did after all allow me to read Thane, and that was quite good, even for a rough draft.

It has only been the last few minutes that I turned on the PC to write this and check my email. I would say I blew it, but technically he turned on the TV..

Well, I have to run and check up on my Sims I wanna see what stuff they are getting into today!!! lol

Peace out!

DONE!!!

This was the first official full week of me living in Grand Rapids, and the end of my first full week of work.

Sigh, well, the work isn't bad and G-Rap is beautiful, but I am super home sick. I miss my family and kids something fierce, and well, it goes without saying I miss my social network. Everyday it was kinda the same thing I would do on the other side of the state, I would get up go to work, come home, do my daily chores, relax, bed, then all over again. There were times where I would meet up with a friend, or hang with my sister, but for the most part It was rather routine. Its kinda the same here, without the friends. I do talk to people on the phone, email, and text, but I can't help but feel disconnected from the people I am used to spending time with.

Another monkey wrench thrown at me was that I ended up getting pretty sick. It started last week sometime, Actually when I was cleaning my old apartment last Thursday when I started feeling yucky. I figured it was allergies, a cold, you know the same old stuff.. Come Sunday not feeling any better, I bought some cold/flu stuff and allergy stuff to help me get through the feeling. As of Tuesday I was only getting worse, and considered going to the Urgent care here. Unfortunately I don't have insurance and found out the the minimum cost would be 150 bucks. So I opted out of that thought and said I'll tough it out. I felt ok Wednesday and was convinced that I was on the road to recovery, when Thursday morning I woke up feeling worse then ever.

At that time I sucked it up and went into urgent care. Good thing too cuz I guess I was sick, and not just allergy/cold ridden. Strep, Sinus Infection, and Bronchitis. The doc also said I had most of the symptoms of meningitis, but that because I didn't have the insurance and couldn't pay for the testing AND That it was only an Urgent care clinic, he couldn't do any of the proper tests. Strep he didn't do the swab for either, but that one is easy to catch without it especially since I get it often. We discussed my options, he told me what to watch for, and gave me a script for the Z-Pak. Which is the only way to go when it comes to drugs.. short term, 1 pill a day for a few days.. Sign me up!!!

So upon Checking out, the bill without any tests ended up being 208.00 I KNOW holy shit!!! I thought I would break down into tears.. and it sucked cuz two weeks exactly prior I had insurance. It just seemed so unfair, and I had a pity party for myself.

I paid the bill, and made my way home to grab Ronn. I made him come with me because I needed sympathy. Bad move on my part, he had a rough day and wasn't in the mood to be around people let alone deal with a whiny me. But he went with me anyway to get the drugs and a few other things. I have to admit, I was rather annoyed at his lack of compassion for my situation, and I felt lonely and wanted to go home. So I talked to mom for a bit, and then my sister. I felt a bit better knowing they missed me as much as I missed them. And then I took my whiny ass to bed.

Now in Ronn's defence, I know he isn't the kinda of guy to be overly concerned with other peoples feelings.. Its annoying as hell to me, but its something I do recognize about him. My goal is to hope that on some level he learns to be more compassionate if nothing else to the people in his life right now. That includes his, ex wife, kids, family etc. But.. He's 40 in a few weeks and I don't see him having any revolutions..

I am not saying he is devoid of compassion, he just is very selective where he applies it. Its not uncommon really, he's just really good at being not concerned.

Soooo, Kari just called, and said she met a different guy. I'm so glad, I told her its better to date multiple people and try them out before choosing a partner. She tends to get so wrapped up in one guy and thats it. I told her its good for her to think of this experience like shoe shopping, you may like what you see, and they may be ok when you try them on, but you can always find something else. I hope she heeds my advice. I think she needs it.. Good luck to you Kar-Bear!!

The job thing is fine, I wish I felt more excited about it, but I just am not.. sure I'm learning a new thing or two, a new PM tool thats cool, its just not Chrysler. I am tellin ya it will be hard to compare to that place.. Even at its worst Chrysler was the best place to work. I miss my people sooo much there. I do keep in touch with my friends via email which I send to them pretty much daily. It makes me feel connected still, I really crave that and desperately need it as well.

I figure I'll make the trek back to the east side coming up soon and I'll see if there is any chance of some of my friend getting together for a bit. I would love to see them all again.

So, at this time I throw my hands in the air and claim DONE!! Week 1 down, a lot more to go..

Peace Out!

All things in their time.

So I am officially moved. All the stuff was brought over last Monday and I pretty much had everything unpacked by Tuesday when Ronn got home from work. Wednesday I went and signed all of the paperwork for my short term contract position at Alticore. Thursday I made my way out the Shelby Twp to clean the apartment and turn over the keys.



All in all, it has been an arduouspast few weeks and the emotion of it all is still catching up with me. Often I feel like the filter on my emotional status has completely collapsed under the stress. I am miserable without my daughters close by, and I wonder how long it will take until I get over this feeling. I am worried sick about Karin and what will happen with her, she is my baby after all.



Tomorrow I start my new job. I'm annoyed that I didn't request more time off as I really need it to adapt to things before jumping into it all like I have. What I really need is a vacation, a long quiet rest where I can filter through my thoughts and rid of what isn't needed. Tam is having a camping thing up at her place the 23rd of August, I may go up there for the weekend.. However I am not sure spending the time with a bunch of small children will be what I am looking for. What I urn for at the moment is a quiet weekend up in Petosky where I can sit on the pier at Magnus beach and watch the tide come in. There is a quite repose to the sound of the waves licking up onto the stony beach.



Unfortunately, the position I have taken doesn't allow for any paid time off.. which means no days off, no vacation, no nothing. Admittedly while its a job , I am resentful that I have allowed myself to accept a position that is leaps and bounds backwards from where I was from. My only hope is to finally hear something about the Lansing job soon and that they can offer something much more interesting.



None the less, I'll only be without a paycheck for 1 week, and while I have filed for unemployment, there are things that I had to do prior to actually calling MARVIN.. All to which took a backseat to getting the move etc done. Meaning it was more important to have my environment in order for me to function in a matter to which is conducive to thought.



In the end, To much change to fast and I am overwhelmed. I actually feel sorry for Ronn for having to deal with my moodiness and my inability to keep myself from tearing up at the mere mention of my daughters name. I suppose this will be a pretty good test of how things will be. All things in their time.. To bad I lack patience..

Things Happen for a Reason

Today was my last day at work.. And I am super sad.. I was so fortunate to have met and worked with some of the coolest, smartest, and interesting people. I will never forget how each person there impacted my life in some manner or another. Saying goodbye is not something I am very good at doing, in part cuz it sucks, but also because I feel that once someone has come into your life you always carry a piece of who they are with you.

So after the tears fell and I received soooo many hugs, I left and brought myself to Kentwood. Last night I packed my car full of stuff that once occupied my closet at "home" and brought it here. It was the first time I really felt like I was truly moving in again. So Since I got here I organized my part of the closet and put a plan together (mentally) to move. I have to do a lot of packing, which I have put off cuz I am getting rid of a ton of stuff. Just stuff that I no longer require and the luster has worn off of em.

So over the past few weeks many people have asked me if I am doing the right thing, moving in with Ronn, not moving to the area. I suppose it could be a challange, but for the moment, Its all good.. but if he turns up dead.. I didn't do it.. (love you honnie)

Tomorrow I have an interview with another company and was told that I was the only person they are considering bringing in for the postion. I suppose my resume isn't that bad.. :-) Good eh.. however the job I went for last week I really wanted.. It seems soo cool and right up my alley.. The client loved me and said that as soon as they win one of the proposals, they would love to have me on board. Dammit win the proposals already..

However the postion tomorrow could be a great opportunity to learn a few things I haven't previously. Mostly software, I look forward to learning about the Microsoft Sharepoint.. I hear its cool but don't know much how it works.. I hope I have the opportunity to find out.

So today may have been my last day, but it is very possible that I'll be working in a few weeks.. I am very optimistic.. and if not, there is always unemployment.. WTF ya know..

Anyway, thats it.. I'm emotionally drained right now and need to let the Man child play his templar game or something (the ever geek ugh)

Peace

Another Road To Be Taken

Life has a way of pushing you forward even when you feel just fine where you are.

Today I received my termination date from CES about the position at Chrysler. Oh its not just me, 260 people are expected to be let go between the 15th and the 18th. Its not personal, in fact I know my bosses have done everything in their power to keep me short from painting me brown and shipping me to India for a few weeks to get citizenship over there.. However I wouldn’t put it past them.. LOL After all that have given me an Indian Name and refer to me as that.. I guess they were hoping to disguise me from my American/white heritage.. lol Thanks Gents for your efforts, it truly does not go unnoticed or appreciated.

This all being said, Chapter 37 has closed 38 begins. I am moving back in with my Ex-husband/current boyfriend over in the Grand Rapids area. I have a few job interviews in that area and am hoping that maybe by the end of August I’ll have a job!!! Keep the fingers crossed for me!!

I feel pretty good about the move, and actually I am ok with the change.. The hardest thing to do is let go of what I was building. My own home again, by myself. Its bittersweet, this stage I’m in, because I saw myself on a very clear path and have now realized that I have completely veered off onto a different one.

Personally I never would have expected Ronn and I to get back together, and I certainly NEVER anticipated moving in with him. Its rather frightening and I often find myself questioning if this is the right decision, and then I hear his voice and I’m ok. I find myself more interested in developing my relationship with him then I am about being out on my own. I suppose I have grown up and realized what is important to me. Don’t get me wrong, a career is still in the top 5, but being with a man that I truly love has proven itself to be of most importance.

What about my kids? Well, of COURSE they are always #1, but when your kids are old enough to step out into the world on their own you realize they have their own lives to lead and cannot live for them any longer. Both of the girls are in the process of defining the women they want to be and what they want out of life. Kirra is doing much better then Karin at this stage, but I have hope and faith in both of them.

Admittedly I am nervous about something’s with Ronn & I, and I assure you he is well aware of them. But he mentioned a relationship is like a project, its something that always requires work and oddly enough, I’m a Project Manager so I think I have this handled. J We both have to forego egos and serious stubborn streaks in order to prevail, but that would be in any relationship not just the one we are in together.

The thing that sets him apart from all other relationships I have had is, while we had issues while married, I always held him in high regard. No I didn’t like that he was a punk ass, but he is working on his part and I mine. He is just a good person and while we weren’t together I always missed him and respected his thoughts and opinions. He became a friend and earned a lot of the trust that had dissipated while married.

Over the past year or so I had a few relationships, not that they were bad, but they helped me to realize that Ronn is more of a match for me then I had expected. He is the man that makes me happy, despite any critizim and comment but those people don't really know shit about me anyway.

So for today, I want Ronn in my life, a fresh start in a new place and a new career opportunity and I am willing to do what it takes to make my future my own. The cool thing about life is you never know where its going to take you.

Over the past month, maybe longer, Ok for sure longer, I have been struggling with the ideal that I am losing my job. I'm not losing it because I am not competent, or that I am lazy (however I have been as of late) Its a matter of circumstance. Chrysler is rite sourcing or sending almost all contract positions overseas. As of last week I started the last portion of the transition, Shadowing. This is the portion of the transition where a person takes down information about what I do and how I do it. Unfortunately most of my position isn't wrapped up in day to day tasks, its coming up with solutions and trying to prevent potential risk. I won't glorify my job, its simple and easy but it will be difficult for someone who doesn't have experience. I do however wish them luck..

Through this, I have concluded that I have been moving through the phases of grief. So relying on my psych background, I have researched some of my reactions and have again found that Ms. Kubler-Ross's stages of grief quite fitting. Finally I have made it to acceptance, none the less its been difficult and I finally am ready to move on. I'm no longer hostile, or thinking that someone with ethics will change the face of reality, I have fully embraced the circumstances of the situation and am ready for the next phase in life.

Ronn, a few weeks back, said to cut my losses and just move with him. Why, well, my inital intent was to stay here until my rent was increased and maybe find a job here. I was afraid that Ronn was more concerned with being Superman and trying to help me more then wanting to be with me. But that day, there was something in what he said that made me really realize that, even while he may too be afraid, he wants me with him. So despite my reservations, I have pushed through my insecurities and have begun the planning part of moving.

So as of July 1st, I'll be putting in my notice here at Oak Hill and start the prep process for packing. I am going through things again and trying to determine what it is I no longer need, or things that Ronn has that I don't need to take. I have also promised items to the girls. Kirra is getting my couch, one table & chairs, a large mirror, a coffee table, a bakers rack and if she really wants my christmas tree. Karin is taking with her everything in her room, which is bed, dresser, computer, chair... etc.. I am going to pack up dishes, pots/pans, and glasses for the girls. and I will also see which one wants one of the TV's we have.. I only need to take one..

In the end, I won't have that much to move, which is good.. YAY.. and the goal is to be completely moved by the last week of July.. That way I can get anything cleaned that is needed.. I am starting to pack this week, and am looking to buy a few tubes and I am going to go through items in storage.. Oh yeah and books, I am donating most of the books.. I hate that, but I can't see taking them with me and storing them..

Ok, as you can see I am letting go.. I am letting go of a lot of weight, and am looking forward to change. Whats really weird, is that this will be the first time I move in with someone.. Every other person has always moved in with me..

Letting go is so cathardic, and I am actually excited about the future. I am excited about a job that maybe will allow for travel, a life with a man that I cut short previously and a rededication to a whole new perspective. I'm stressed, but for the first time in a while I feel like I have a direction.

Oh Karin? well, its time to let her live on her own.. She's 18 and I no longer have any control or say in her life. I cannot teach her any more and while she is still young and very imature, she is an adult and needs to stand on her own two feet. I have faith in her, and while I worry, I have to believe that in a few years she'll get it together. Shes a good person, and can only learn from what life has to teach her, I need to let go and let her live her life under her conditions. Kirra?? well, she is already on her own and I couldn't be more proud. Despite what some individules may think, but really I don't let people influence me that much, I am good at making my own assumptions/opinions..

So, Life may be tough, and it may be scary but thats part of the thrill. Every day I think of the quote that is my montra and moves me through life. "Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for it is a thing to be achieved"

Life, Liberty, and the FIGHT we should be fighting!

The following is an email I was planning on sending to some friends, however, I have decided to bite my tounge and not forward it from my work email address (ooh how tempting however) I Will however send the link out to people and see if they are as interested in what I have read as I am.

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I am sending this because I have always found Mr. Iacocca rather inspirational, and given the current state of our Country's affairs, his commentary resounded loudly in my soul. Yet ultimately I was left questioning myself, asking "Now What? What can I do to change things or contribute? What can we do?" As overwhelming as it may be, WE are the American people and

WE have a responsiblity to ensure that we stay the course as IT SHOULD BE, the American Dream, NOT based on some moronic Political Jackass or some Greedy CEO's capricious ideology.

I apologize for my cantankerous candor, but as most of you know, I do so love my high horses/soap box. Admittedly, I am feeling greatly impacted by the degradation of the American dream and am left feeling hopeless, lost, and somewhat defeated. This being said, on some odd note, I took some solace in the words below hence, I felt overly compelled to share this with you.

So I ask.. "Now What?"



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Remember Lee Iacocca, the man who rescued Chrysler Corporation from its death throes? He has a new book, and here are some excerpts.

Lee Iacocca Says:

"Am I the only guy in this country who's fed up with what's happening? Where the hell is our outrage? We should be screaming bloody murder. We've got a gang of clueless bozos steering our ship of state right over a cliff, we've got corporate gangsters stealing us blind, and we can't even clean up after a hurricane much less build a hybrid car. But instead of getting mad, everyone sits around and nods their heads when the politicians say, "Stay the course"
Stay the course? You've got to be kidding. This is America not the damned "Titanic". I'll give you a sound bite: "Throw all the bums out!"

You might think I'm getting senile, that I've gone off my rocker, and maybe I have. But someone has to speak up. I hardly recognize this country anymore.
The most famous business leaders are not the innovators but the guys in handcuffs. While we're fiddling in Iraq , the Middle East is burning and nobody seems to know what to do. And the press is waving 'pom-poms' instead of asking hard questions. That's not the promise of the " America " my parents and yours traveled across the ocean for. I've had enough. How about you?
I'll go a step further. You can't call yourself a patriot if you're not outraged. This is a fight I'm ready and willing to have.

The Biggest "C" is Crisis!

Leaders are made, not born. Leadership is forged in times of crisis. It's easy to sit there with your feet up on the desk and talk theory. Or send someone else's kids off to war when you've never seen a battlefield yourself. It's another thing to lead when your world comes tumbling down
On September 11, 2001, we needed a strong leader more than any other time in our history. We needed a steady hand to guide us out of the ashes. A Hell of a Mess.

So here's where we stand. We're immersed in a bloody war with no plan for winning and no plan for leaving. W e' re running the biggest deficit in the history of the country. We're losing the manufacturing edge to Asia , while our once-great companies are getting slaughtered by health care costs. Gas prices are skyrocketing, and nobody in power has a coherent energy policy. Our schools are in trouble. Our borders are like sieves. The middle class is being squeezed every which way These are times that cry out for leadership.

But when you look around, you've got to ask: "Where have all the leaders gone?" Where are the curious, creative communicators? Where are the people of character, courage, conviction, omnipotence, and common sense? I may be a sucker for alliteration, but I think you get the point.

Name me a leader who has a better idea for homeland security than making us take off our shoes in airports and throw away our shampoo? We've spent billions of dollars building a huge new bureaucracy, and all we know how to do is react to things that have already happened.
Name me one leader who emerged from the crisis of Hurricane Katrina. Congress has yet to spend a single day evaluating the response to the hurricane, or demanding accountability for the decisions that were made in the crucial hours after the storm.

Everyone's hunkering down, fingers crossed, hoping it doesn't happen again. Now, that's just crazy. Storms happen. Deal with it. Make a plan. Figure out what you're going to do the next time.

Name me an industry leader who is thinking creatively about how we can restore our competitive edge in manufacturing. Who would have believed that there could ever be a time when "The Big Three" referred to Japanese car companies? How did this happen, and more important, what are we going to do about it?

Name me a government leader who can articulate a plan for paying down the debit, or solving the energy crisis, or managing the health care problem. The silence is deafening. But these are the crises that are eating away at our country and milking the middle class dry.
I have news for the gang in Congress. We didn't elect you to sit on your asses and do nothing and remain silent while our democracy is being hijacked and our greatness is being replaced with mediocrity. What is everybody so afraid of? That some bonehead on Fox News will call them a name? Give me a break. Why don't you guys show some spine for a change?

Had Enough?

Hey, I'm not trying to be the voice of gloom and doom here. I'm trying to light a fire. I'm speaking out because I have hope I believe in America . In my lifetime I've had the privilege of living through some of America's greatest moments. I've also experienced some of our worst crises: the "Great Depression", "World War II", the "Korean War", the "Kennedy Assassination", the "Vietnam War", the 1970s oil crisis, and the struggles of recent years culminating with 9/11. If I've learned one thing, it's this: "You don't get anywhere by standing on the sidelines waiting for somebody else to take action. Whether it's building a better car or building a better future for our children, we all have a role to play. That's the challenge I'm raising in this book. It's a call to
"Action" for people who, like me, believe in America . It's not too late, but it's getting pretty close. So let's shake off the crap and go to work. Let's tell 'em all we've ha d "enough."

D-Day and an Omage to Dad!

Yesterday my Sister and I celebrated my dad’s life. It was 13 years ago last night that he died of the cancer caused by asbestoses inhalation. Every year the two of us get together, drink the beer he drank and talk about life in general. Last night Mom, Dawn & Mark, and my beau - Ronn came up to celebrate.

We started at Auburn Sports bar, which is a hole in the wall that he used to always go to. And Sis and I still frequent there.. We had a few beers there and moved over to Bourbon Jakes to finish off the evening. We had a few beers there, watched some very interesting people, D sang! Very good I might add, and we laughed and just bullshitted. All in all it was a good evening.
It was so nice to have the people I care about most around me. It was nice to have D and Mark come out and I am soo especially happy that Ronn is back in my life on a more permanent basis.

I have so much other stuff to talk about, so I am sure I'll use this venue quite often. I highly doubt it will be visited unless I become this prophetic person that people flock to via the web.. It is however a public means by which I can express my overly active and opinionated thoughts..
Blessings to you..

Songs/Poems that are in my head to day
Livings Years - Mike and the Mechanics
Seasons in the Sun - Terry Jacks
Turn Turn Turn - the Byrds
Nothing Gold Can Stay- Robert Frost

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved"