All things in their time.

So I am officially moved. All the stuff was brought over last Monday and I pretty much had everything unpacked by Tuesday when Ronn got home from work. Wednesday I went and signed all of the paperwork for my short term contract position at Alticore. Thursday I made my way out the Shelby Twp to clean the apartment and turn over the keys.



All in all, it has been an arduouspast few weeks and the emotion of it all is still catching up with me. Often I feel like the filter on my emotional status has completely collapsed under the stress. I am miserable without my daughters close by, and I wonder how long it will take until I get over this feeling. I am worried sick about Karin and what will happen with her, she is my baby after all.



Tomorrow I start my new job. I'm annoyed that I didn't request more time off as I really need it to adapt to things before jumping into it all like I have. What I really need is a vacation, a long quiet rest where I can filter through my thoughts and rid of what isn't needed. Tam is having a camping thing up at her place the 23rd of August, I may go up there for the weekend.. However I am not sure spending the time with a bunch of small children will be what I am looking for. What I urn for at the moment is a quiet weekend up in Petosky where I can sit on the pier at Magnus beach and watch the tide come in. There is a quite repose to the sound of the waves licking up onto the stony beach.



Unfortunately, the position I have taken doesn't allow for any paid time off.. which means no days off, no vacation, no nothing. Admittedly while its a job , I am resentful that I have allowed myself to accept a position that is leaps and bounds backwards from where I was from. My only hope is to finally hear something about the Lansing job soon and that they can offer something much more interesting.



None the less, I'll only be without a paycheck for 1 week, and while I have filed for unemployment, there are things that I had to do prior to actually calling MARVIN.. All to which took a backseat to getting the move etc done. Meaning it was more important to have my environment in order for me to function in a matter to which is conducive to thought.



In the end, To much change to fast and I am overwhelmed. I actually feel sorry for Ronn for having to deal with my moodiness and my inability to keep myself from tearing up at the mere mention of my daughters name. I suppose this will be a pretty good test of how things will be. All things in their time.. To bad I lack patience..

Things Happen for a Reason

Today was my last day at work.. And I am super sad.. I was so fortunate to have met and worked with some of the coolest, smartest, and interesting people. I will never forget how each person there impacted my life in some manner or another. Saying goodbye is not something I am very good at doing, in part cuz it sucks, but also because I feel that once someone has come into your life you always carry a piece of who they are with you.

So after the tears fell and I received soooo many hugs, I left and brought myself to Kentwood. Last night I packed my car full of stuff that once occupied my closet at "home" and brought it here. It was the first time I really felt like I was truly moving in again. So Since I got here I organized my part of the closet and put a plan together (mentally) to move. I have to do a lot of packing, which I have put off cuz I am getting rid of a ton of stuff. Just stuff that I no longer require and the luster has worn off of em.

So over the past few weeks many people have asked me if I am doing the right thing, moving in with Ronn, not moving to the area. I suppose it could be a challange, but for the moment, Its all good.. but if he turns up dead.. I didn't do it.. (love you honnie)

Tomorrow I have an interview with another company and was told that I was the only person they are considering bringing in for the postion. I suppose my resume isn't that bad.. :-) Good eh.. however the job I went for last week I really wanted.. It seems soo cool and right up my alley.. The client loved me and said that as soon as they win one of the proposals, they would love to have me on board. Dammit win the proposals already..

However the postion tomorrow could be a great opportunity to learn a few things I haven't previously. Mostly software, I look forward to learning about the Microsoft Sharepoint.. I hear its cool but don't know much how it works.. I hope I have the opportunity to find out.

So today may have been my last day, but it is very possible that I'll be working in a few weeks.. I am very optimistic.. and if not, there is always unemployment.. WTF ya know..

Anyway, thats it.. I'm emotionally drained right now and need to let the Man child play his templar game or something (the ever geek ugh)

Peace

Another Road To Be Taken

Life has a way of pushing you forward even when you feel just fine where you are.

Today I received my termination date from CES about the position at Chrysler. Oh its not just me, 260 people are expected to be let go between the 15th and the 18th. Its not personal, in fact I know my bosses have done everything in their power to keep me short from painting me brown and shipping me to India for a few weeks to get citizenship over there.. However I wouldn’t put it past them.. LOL After all that have given me an Indian Name and refer to me as that.. I guess they were hoping to disguise me from my American/white heritage.. lol Thanks Gents for your efforts, it truly does not go unnoticed or appreciated.

This all being said, Chapter 37 has closed 38 begins. I am moving back in with my Ex-husband/current boyfriend over in the Grand Rapids area. I have a few job interviews in that area and am hoping that maybe by the end of August I’ll have a job!!! Keep the fingers crossed for me!!

I feel pretty good about the move, and actually I am ok with the change.. The hardest thing to do is let go of what I was building. My own home again, by myself. Its bittersweet, this stage I’m in, because I saw myself on a very clear path and have now realized that I have completely veered off onto a different one.

Personally I never would have expected Ronn and I to get back together, and I certainly NEVER anticipated moving in with him. Its rather frightening and I often find myself questioning if this is the right decision, and then I hear his voice and I’m ok. I find myself more interested in developing my relationship with him then I am about being out on my own. I suppose I have grown up and realized what is important to me. Don’t get me wrong, a career is still in the top 5, but being with a man that I truly love has proven itself to be of most importance.

What about my kids? Well, of COURSE they are always #1, but when your kids are old enough to step out into the world on their own you realize they have their own lives to lead and cannot live for them any longer. Both of the girls are in the process of defining the women they want to be and what they want out of life. Kirra is doing much better then Karin at this stage, but I have hope and faith in both of them.

Admittedly I am nervous about something’s with Ronn & I, and I assure you he is well aware of them. But he mentioned a relationship is like a project, its something that always requires work and oddly enough, I’m a Project Manager so I think I have this handled. J We both have to forego egos and serious stubborn streaks in order to prevail, but that would be in any relationship not just the one we are in together.

The thing that sets him apart from all other relationships I have had is, while we had issues while married, I always held him in high regard. No I didn’t like that he was a punk ass, but he is working on his part and I mine. He is just a good person and while we weren’t together I always missed him and respected his thoughts and opinions. He became a friend and earned a lot of the trust that had dissipated while married.

Over the past year or so I had a few relationships, not that they were bad, but they helped me to realize that Ronn is more of a match for me then I had expected. He is the man that makes me happy, despite any critizim and comment but those people don't really know shit about me anyway.

So for today, I want Ronn in my life, a fresh start in a new place and a new career opportunity and I am willing to do what it takes to make my future my own. The cool thing about life is you never know where its going to take you.