Over the past month, maybe longer, Ok for sure longer, I have been struggling with the ideal that I am losing my job. I'm not losing it because I am not competent, or that I am lazy (however I have been as of late) Its a matter of circumstance. Chrysler is rite sourcing or sending almost all contract positions overseas. As of last week I started the last portion of the transition, Shadowing. This is the portion of the transition where a person takes down information about what I do and how I do it. Unfortunately most of my position isn't wrapped up in day to day tasks, its coming up with solutions and trying to prevent potential risk. I won't glorify my job, its simple and easy but it will be difficult for someone who doesn't have experience. I do however wish them luck..

Through this, I have concluded that I have been moving through the phases of grief. So relying on my psych background, I have researched some of my reactions and have again found that Ms. Kubler-Ross's stages of grief quite fitting. Finally I have made it to acceptance, none the less its been difficult and I finally am ready to move on. I'm no longer hostile, or thinking that someone with ethics will change the face of reality, I have fully embraced the circumstances of the situation and am ready for the next phase in life.

Ronn, a few weeks back, said to cut my losses and just move with him. Why, well, my inital intent was to stay here until my rent was increased and maybe find a job here. I was afraid that Ronn was more concerned with being Superman and trying to help me more then wanting to be with me. But that day, there was something in what he said that made me really realize that, even while he may too be afraid, he wants me with him. So despite my reservations, I have pushed through my insecurities and have begun the planning part of moving.

So as of July 1st, I'll be putting in my notice here at Oak Hill and start the prep process for packing. I am going through things again and trying to determine what it is I no longer need, or things that Ronn has that I don't need to take. I have also promised items to the girls. Kirra is getting my couch, one table & chairs, a large mirror, a coffee table, a bakers rack and if she really wants my christmas tree. Karin is taking with her everything in her room, which is bed, dresser, computer, chair... etc.. I am going to pack up dishes, pots/pans, and glasses for the girls. and I will also see which one wants one of the TV's we have.. I only need to take one..

In the end, I won't have that much to move, which is good.. YAY.. and the goal is to be completely moved by the last week of July.. That way I can get anything cleaned that is needed.. I am starting to pack this week, and am looking to buy a few tubes and I am going to go through items in storage.. Oh yeah and books, I am donating most of the books.. I hate that, but I can't see taking them with me and storing them..

Ok, as you can see I am letting go.. I am letting go of a lot of weight, and am looking forward to change. Whats really weird, is that this will be the first time I move in with someone.. Every other person has always moved in with me..

Letting go is so cathardic, and I am actually excited about the future. I am excited about a job that maybe will allow for travel, a life with a man that I cut short previously and a rededication to a whole new perspective. I'm stressed, but for the first time in a while I feel like I have a direction.

Oh Karin? well, its time to let her live on her own.. She's 18 and I no longer have any control or say in her life. I cannot teach her any more and while she is still young and very imature, she is an adult and needs to stand on her own two feet. I have faith in her, and while I worry, I have to believe that in a few years she'll get it together. Shes a good person, and can only learn from what life has to teach her, I need to let go and let her live her life under her conditions. Kirra?? well, she is already on her own and I couldn't be more proud. Despite what some individules may think, but really I don't let people influence me that much, I am good at making my own assumptions/opinions..

So, Life may be tough, and it may be scary but thats part of the thrill. Every day I think of the quote that is my montra and moves me through life. "Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for it is a thing to be achieved"